Stop at "that"

an anxiety tip I'm loving

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never had a problem articulating my worries or fears. I could spend hours listing out in great detail everything I am anxious about. (And I’ve actually spent a lot of time sharing these very worries here on this Substack.)

I could easily list and categorize every problem I am trying to solve (real and imagined), every slight I have felt (real and imagined,) and every should and ought to and what if (real and imagined.)

For example, I am worried that you will wonder where I’ve been. I’m anxious that you’ll be mad if I don’t explain my absence. I’m scared that I don’t deserve to share this post because I haven’t been posting regularly. 

In a culture shouting the praises of validation, it feels right, healthy even, to list and validate each and every one of my fears.

But can listing all my obsessions (fears) become a compulsion (a maladaptive coping strategy)? By naming them, am I giving too much weight and power to each worry?

Mr. Rogers said, “what is mentionable is manageable,” and Julia Cameron espouses the benefits of stream of consciousness writing to “clear the cobwebs.”

How can it be wrong to bring these worries to light?

When I first started OCD recovery, I spent a considerable amount of time writing out my obsessions until they felt, ahem, just right. And only then could I move on with my appropriate response. How much was I just delaying the treatment? Giving myself reassurance. 

See, I’ve listed them. See, they’re scary, See, I’m right to feel so anxious. 

Jenna Overbaugh, the OCD recovery queen, offers a simple solution to cut these worries off at the quick: stop at the preposition¹.

I am anxious. Period. (or full stop as the Brits say.)

I am worried that you will wonder where I’ve been.

I’m anxious that you’ll be mad if I don’t explain my absence.

I’m scared that I don’t deserve to share this post because I haven’t been posting regularly. 

According to Jenna, if you’re experiencing these anxious, urgent thoughts, the content is actually irrelevant. The second half of the sentence is where you’re investing too much mental energy. Of course it’s anxiety provoking to think of someone being mad at you for very detailed and specific reasons.

She suggests instead of giving more weight and attention to the anxiety, what if we could treat what comes after the preposition as irrelevant?

So for me “that you’ll be mad at me” is irrelevant.

I am anxious. Period.

Do I want to write anyway? Do I value connection and creativity and service even if I get anxious?

Heck yes!

I am anxious AND I’m going to post anyway.

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Meet me in the Comments

I’d love to know what worries you could cut off at the preposition. Try listing out a worry then crossing out everything after the “that.”

Then fill in the blank below:

I am anxious AND I’m still going to ____________. 

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Speaking of living our values anyway, I host a monthly OCD & Creativity discussion group. This is a free, virtual space to share what you're working on creatively and brainstorm ideas to challenge OCD or anxiety and push forward in creative expression. 

Our next meeting will take place this Sunday, April 21st from 1-2pm Pacific Time over Zoom.

Sign up here to get the Zoom link. I would love for you to join!

1. This is an excellent episode if you struggle with worry, overthinking, or rumination. The “separate it from the preposition” part starts at 11:08, but the whole episode is gold. Let me know if you listen! And the English teacher in me has to mention that “that” in this context is a conjunction, not a preposition, but look at me being flexible and using her terms in my post!