“It’s like body dysmorphia, but for your brain.” Ugh, very relatable. This essay was validating and informative. I'm technically undiagnosed, but I've long believed I have OCD (as do many people who know me well). Your posts have been so helpful on my journey, and I want to thank you for being brave and showing up as your self to tell your truth through writing.
That body dysmorphia comment really stuck with me, too! BDD is actually considered an OCD spectrum disorder so they are related!
Undiagnosed OCD can be so overwhelming and lonely. I am so sorry you've suffered for so long. I feel like it's the least I can do to use my words so that others may feel less alone. You've got my email if you ever want to chat or have questions about treatment options. Sending you hugs, my friend.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I have a tween who has been struggling with anxiety for a few years and there is some overlap with OCD so I’m interested to listen to that podcast. Also, I just want you to know that as I have conversations with her therapist I feel a genuine sense of peace around the possibility of new/additional diagnoses because of you! I now know that OCD is treatable and manageable and that an earlier diagnosis is so beneficial because it just gives you more time to learn skills and how to relate to the OCD!!
Lindsey! Whew, I meant to respond a long time ago! Your comment is so encouraging to me, and I am so glad your tween has your support. It makes me tear up to think you could approach her treatment with openness and hope instead of fear and dismissal. I really, really hope she is finding tools and new ways of responding to anxiety/OCD that bring freedom. Thank you so much for sharing with me.
“it’s important to note that in OCD, people do not WANT to perform their compulsions, but feel they must or something terrible will happen or they have an overwhelming feeling of discomfort if they don’t do them.”
Yes! It’s infuriating when I hear clients talk about people who say “just don’t do it, then!” Like it’s a choice. This was so great, Aly. Honest and informative and vulnerable!
Aly, this is so powerful. I know what you mean by poison: the shame, the nonsensical nature of each fixation, the total confusion from people who don't have it. Before that, in elementary school, I took a gymnastics class for a few years, and I really loved it. The other day I found myself feeling a messed-up sort of gratitude that I quit before my scrupulosity/pure-O OCD came on at 12 or 13, because at least that way OCD didn't poison the class. It got to live in the time before. I'm in my 30s now and taking an aerial class, which has been so much fun--and wouldn't have been possible if I hadn't gotten treatment. Thank you for sharing your experience. It goes a long way to destigmatize this terrible mental illness.
Thank you so much for sharing, Victoria. Ugh, the poison is so real! I’m so glad you were able to enjoy gymnastics before OCD poisoned it; I did gymnastics through junior year of high school and so many of my memories are tainted by all of my mental blocks and frustrations that I now know we’re part of OCD. That’s so beautiful that you can reclaim the aerial class! I might look into something like that.
Thank goodness for effective treatment! What a weight is released just knowing what we’re dealing with in OCD and that it is treatable! Keep up the hard work of recovery, friend!
Aly, you had us in such suspense until part 2!! ;p This story vividly paints a picture of your world, poisoned by OCD. It feels like such a prison; I am sorry that High School Aly was robbed of being able to celebrate her achievements because of OCD. Thank you for sharing your story and also helping me understand mental compulsions a bit more. I'm also very curious about the podcast; I'll have to add it to my queue.
The podcast about GAD vs OCD was an incredibly insightful and helpful resource! Thank you for sharing it (and for bravely sharing your story & journey)!
“It’s like body dysmorphia, but for your brain.” Ugh, very relatable. This essay was validating and informative. I'm technically undiagnosed, but I've long believed I have OCD (as do many people who know me well). Your posts have been so helpful on my journey, and I want to thank you for being brave and showing up as your self to tell your truth through writing.
That body dysmorphia comment really stuck with me, too! BDD is actually considered an OCD spectrum disorder so they are related!
Undiagnosed OCD can be so overwhelming and lonely. I am so sorry you've suffered for so long. I feel like it's the least I can do to use my words so that others may feel less alone. You've got my email if you ever want to chat or have questions about treatment options. Sending you hugs, my friend.
Thank you, Aly! That means so much.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. I have a tween who has been struggling with anxiety for a few years and there is some overlap with OCD so I’m interested to listen to that podcast. Also, I just want you to know that as I have conversations with her therapist I feel a genuine sense of peace around the possibility of new/additional diagnoses because of you! I now know that OCD is treatable and manageable and that an earlier diagnosis is so beneficial because it just gives you more time to learn skills and how to relate to the OCD!!
Lindsey! Whew, I meant to respond a long time ago! Your comment is so encouraging to me, and I am so glad your tween has your support. It makes me tear up to think you could approach her treatment with openness and hope instead of fear and dismissal. I really, really hope she is finding tools and new ways of responding to anxiety/OCD that bring freedom. Thank you so much for sharing with me.
I’ve listened to that podcast often and even bought her meditations and we listen to them most nights before bed!
Oh, I love that!
🩵🩵🩵
“it’s important to note that in OCD, people do not WANT to perform their compulsions, but feel they must or something terrible will happen or they have an overwhelming feeling of discomfort if they don’t do them.”
Yes! It’s infuriating when I hear clients talk about people who say “just don’t do it, then!” Like it’s a choice. This was so great, Aly. Honest and informative and vulnerable!
Aly, this is so powerful. I know what you mean by poison: the shame, the nonsensical nature of each fixation, the total confusion from people who don't have it. Before that, in elementary school, I took a gymnastics class for a few years, and I really loved it. The other day I found myself feeling a messed-up sort of gratitude that I quit before my scrupulosity/pure-O OCD came on at 12 or 13, because at least that way OCD didn't poison the class. It got to live in the time before. I'm in my 30s now and taking an aerial class, which has been so much fun--and wouldn't have been possible if I hadn't gotten treatment. Thank you for sharing your experience. It goes a long way to destigmatize this terrible mental illness.
Thank you so much for sharing, Victoria. Ugh, the poison is so real! I’m so glad you were able to enjoy gymnastics before OCD poisoned it; I did gymnastics through junior year of high school and so many of my memories are tainted by all of my mental blocks and frustrations that I now know we’re part of OCD. That’s so beautiful that you can reclaim the aerial class! I might look into something like that.
Thank goodness for effective treatment! What a weight is released just knowing what we’re dealing with in OCD and that it is treatable! Keep up the hard work of recovery, friend!
Aly, you had us in such suspense until part 2!! ;p This story vividly paints a picture of your world, poisoned by OCD. It feels like such a prison; I am sorry that High School Aly was robbed of being able to celebrate her achievements because of OCD. Thank you for sharing your story and also helping me understand mental compulsions a bit more. I'm also very curious about the podcast; I'll have to add it to my queue.
The podcast about GAD vs OCD was an incredibly insightful and helpful resource! Thank you for sharing it (and for bravely sharing your story & journey)!
So glad you found the podcast helpful, Elizabeth!
Another powerful piece. Thank you.