Age 19, at the end of a term studying abroad, five of us travelled to Spain for a few days. We'd been told we had to try out the tapas, so we were ecstatic when we found a tapas restaurant with really reasonable prices. With great confidence and every bit of Spanish we could muster, we each ordered ONE dish. The waiter's incredible looks should have been a clue.
Tapas are tiny appetizers, little snacks that you combine a few of for a fancy tapas meal.
We each ate our tiny plate in embarrassment, left, and got a second meal immediately after from a place with actually decent prices.
It feels irresponsible, sometimes, not to fret day and night over the possibility that there *might* conceivably be an all-powerful and indignant deity that sent its only Son ("Now look what you made me do, you disgusting little ingrates who have free will and so who could have submitted yourselves to me fully, thus accessing my perfection and then, yourselves, becoming perfect!") to "save" us from the eternal punishment we "deserve." It sure feels as though the reality is that there is this deity out there steaming and stewing over how disgusting we all are, and that if we JUST TRIED HARDER and kept trying to "solve this problem," we could figure out a way to trick ourselves into, shame ourselves into, contort ourselves into loving, and submitting ourselves fully unto, this enraged and unreasonable (not to mention vile and immoral) deity--in which case we'd be "safe" from torture, oh, other than the torture of having to live with ourselves after selling out our values, being cowards and capitulating to obvious evil that has labeled itself as unconditionally loving and perfect.
I *love* the way you phrased it about refusing to play the game--when we mindfully step back from ruminating, interrupt the cycle and gently move away from just looping and looping. Sounds like a power move! Good on you, I say! I'd like to take up using your phrasing, Aly. (And yes, I found you from D.L. Mayfield's blog, in case that's not obvious. As I use your way of framing the stepping back from ruminations over "God" [sic?], I'll be sure to, mentally at least, cite you. How about that? ;)
Much, *much* care, concern, and gratitude to you. Your writings are helping me a great deal!
Fantastic metaphor for OCD. So appreciate your writing!
Age 19, at the end of a term studying abroad, five of us travelled to Spain for a few days. We'd been told we had to try out the tapas, so we were ecstatic when we found a tapas restaurant with really reasonable prices. With great confidence and every bit of Spanish we could muster, we each ordered ONE dish. The waiter's incredible looks should have been a clue.
Tapas are tiny appetizers, little snacks that you combine a few of for a fancy tapas meal.
We each ate our tiny plate in embarrassment, left, and got a second meal immediately after from a place with actually decent prices.
Never forgot that word since!
It feels irresponsible, sometimes, not to fret day and night over the possibility that there *might* conceivably be an all-powerful and indignant deity that sent its only Son ("Now look what you made me do, you disgusting little ingrates who have free will and so who could have submitted yourselves to me fully, thus accessing my perfection and then, yourselves, becoming perfect!") to "save" us from the eternal punishment we "deserve." It sure feels as though the reality is that there is this deity out there steaming and stewing over how disgusting we all are, and that if we JUST TRIED HARDER and kept trying to "solve this problem," we could figure out a way to trick ourselves into, shame ourselves into, contort ourselves into loving, and submitting ourselves fully unto, this enraged and unreasonable (not to mention vile and immoral) deity--in which case we'd be "safe" from torture, oh, other than the torture of having to live with ourselves after selling out our values, being cowards and capitulating to obvious evil that has labeled itself as unconditionally loving and perfect.
I *love* the way you phrased it about refusing to play the game--when we mindfully step back from ruminating, interrupt the cycle and gently move away from just looping and looping. Sounds like a power move! Good on you, I say! I'd like to take up using your phrasing, Aly. (And yes, I found you from D.L. Mayfield's blog, in case that's not obvious. As I use your way of framing the stepping back from ruminations over "God" [sic?], I'll be sure to, mentally at least, cite you. How about that? ;)
Much, *much* care, concern, and gratitude to you. Your writings are helping me a great deal!