I empathize a great deal with what you've described here, especially the way that stepping back from accomplishing "one more thing, one more thing" to slow down will kick off angry cascades of thoughts in my brain about what a lazy, incompetent, blameworthy, shameful, and doomed person I am if I can't get *something* substantive done today, but how it really needs to be several substantive things from my mile-long to-do list so as to make up for all the days over the past week, month, year, or decade when I did not get enough done, and how not getting enough done means that *I* am not enough.
One of the greatest days of my life was the day I got a colonoscopy. The physician who performed the procedure sent me home with explicit instructions to lounge on the couch the entire rest of the day, not try to lift anything heavy physically ***or*** mentally/emotionally. And I did. I lounged on the couch with a stack of print books and also my Amazon Fire tablet just reading to my heart's content, then shifting later in the day to watching a movie with my spouse. It was amazing beyond amazing. I felt like a different person on that day ***and*** on the day following. I'm crying a little right here, right now remembering this one, precious day from my adult life when I felt I had permission to rest and actually rested. One day.
What you've written here aligns with the values I now, as an adult, hold (i.e. the values I hold now, after having left the punitive, world-rejecting authoritarian cult I grew up in). What you've written helps me see with greater clarity how being kind to myself would be logically consistent with valuing kindness, even if difficult due to how I am not used to extending kindness toward myself.
Thank you for your sensitivity, your brilliance with insight, and your compassion. I appreciate what you write and get a *lot* out of it.
Yes! Yesterday I chose to lay on the couch and watched New Girl while my kids napped. We had house guests for a full week and I was exhausted. I turned away from the endless list of things I could do/needed to do and toward my own well-being
Oh I can relate to all of this, the rotation of sickness that never left the home, the restlessness and rumination when I attempt any sort of rest! Always so nice to read an article like this and feel less alone. I recently stopped working (and at a school) and said this summer I was going to slow down and heal from all of the burnout.. I get chronic migraine episodes when my body has reached capacity so I am then “forced” to rest, but it’s hard, even through that pain I have the OCD thoughts that I am not being productive. I honestly had these expectations that once I wasn’t fully employed anymore that my mind and body would just slow down, but it’s is so ingrained to just keep doing. The slowing down and learning to rest is definitely a work in progress.
Oh, man, the struggle is real. I have heard from other professor friends what a hassle it can be to get a sub. Oh the irony. [And also lol to "I've experienced a lot of sickness without a lot of rest (which probably explains why I've been sick so much)".] (Yes, I am typing this comment on my computer with the post on my phone next to me so I can quote you.) (Also I really struggled figuring out where to put the period at the end of quoting you.)
Super nice reframe here: how kind we can be to ourselves... we're good enough already, we don't need to hustle for our worth (Thank you, Brene). Thanks for your words to chew on, Aly.
Wow, relating so much to this! The need to be productive despite what is happening to me and around me. Mine also ties in to being frustrated with feeling held back, weighed down by chronic illnesses for years. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I empathize a great deal with what you've described here, especially the way that stepping back from accomplishing "one more thing, one more thing" to slow down will kick off angry cascades of thoughts in my brain about what a lazy, incompetent, blameworthy, shameful, and doomed person I am if I can't get *something* substantive done today, but how it really needs to be several substantive things from my mile-long to-do list so as to make up for all the days over the past week, month, year, or decade when I did not get enough done, and how not getting enough done means that *I* am not enough.
One of the greatest days of my life was the day I got a colonoscopy. The physician who performed the procedure sent me home with explicit instructions to lounge on the couch the entire rest of the day, not try to lift anything heavy physically ***or*** mentally/emotionally. And I did. I lounged on the couch with a stack of print books and also my Amazon Fire tablet just reading to my heart's content, then shifting later in the day to watching a movie with my spouse. It was amazing beyond amazing. I felt like a different person on that day ***and*** on the day following. I'm crying a little right here, right now remembering this one, precious day from my adult life when I felt I had permission to rest and actually rested. One day.
What you've written here aligns with the values I now, as an adult, hold (i.e. the values I hold now, after having left the punitive, world-rejecting authoritarian cult I grew up in). What you've written helps me see with greater clarity how being kind to myself would be logically consistent with valuing kindness, even if difficult due to how I am not used to extending kindness toward myself.
Thank you for your sensitivity, your brilliance with insight, and your compassion. I appreciate what you write and get a *lot* out of it.
Yes! Yesterday I chose to lay on the couch and watched New Girl while my kids napped. We had house guests for a full week and I was exhausted. I turned away from the endless list of things I could do/needed to do and toward my own well-being
Oh I can relate to all of this, the rotation of sickness that never left the home, the restlessness and rumination when I attempt any sort of rest! Always so nice to read an article like this and feel less alone. I recently stopped working (and at a school) and said this summer I was going to slow down and heal from all of the burnout.. I get chronic migraine episodes when my body has reached capacity so I am then “forced” to rest, but it’s hard, even through that pain I have the OCD thoughts that I am not being productive. I honestly had these expectations that once I wasn’t fully employed anymore that my mind and body would just slow down, but it’s is so ingrained to just keep doing. The slowing down and learning to rest is definitely a work in progress.
Thank you for sharing your experience in this. 🤍
Oh, man, the struggle is real. I have heard from other professor friends what a hassle it can be to get a sub. Oh the irony. [And also lol to "I've experienced a lot of sickness without a lot of rest (which probably explains why I've been sick so much)".] (Yes, I am typing this comment on my computer with the post on my phone next to me so I can quote you.) (Also I really struggled figuring out where to put the period at the end of quoting you.)
Super nice reframe here: how kind we can be to ourselves... we're good enough already, we don't need to hustle for our worth (Thank you, Brene). Thanks for your words to chew on, Aly.
Wow, relating so much to this! The need to be productive despite what is happening to me and around me. Mine also ties in to being frustrated with feeling held back, weighed down by chronic illnesses for years. Thank you for sharing your experience.
Loved this. I especially enjoyed that you ended with a plan for rest: enjoy Madame Secretary!