Are there any small ways you show up for others that you may be able to grow inward? So I've found a lot of value personally in the enneagram, though I know it's not for everyone. I'm a 4, which means I go to 2 when under stress, which means that when I'm not doing well, I get WAY too helpful. So maybe turning some of that helpful energy at myself?
I’m also curious if you prickle at the suggestion to treat yourself like you would a friend? Yes, I definitely prickle at this.
Kandi, that’s so insightful that you know you tend to shift into overly helpful in stress. I LOVE the idea of channeling some of that energy back toward yourself!
I love the Enneagram, too. I am an Enneagram 1 if you couldn’t tell--ha the obsession with doing the right thing. But I go to 7 in health so I’m I can be super fun and spontaneous when I’m not overthinking myself to death.
I can't treat myself like a friend either; perhaps it makes more sense to see ourselves as our own parents because that is basically the relationship we replace with ourselves when we grow older. I need to discipline myself and encourage myself in a healthy way for a good life, but that isn't a responsibility I would give a friend. Why do you prickle at being told to treat yourself like a friend?
Love the parenting ourselves image too! I think that's a great way to look at it.
I think prickling at being told to treat myself like a friend is because for years I was told the opposite. That I was to think of myself last (or hopefully never at all). Obviously, that's a super toxic thing to learn as a kid, but I am working at unlearning, reparenting myself, and treating myself the way I try to treat others. Cheers to the healing journey!
Yes, Helen! The image of parenting ourselves can be so helpful--one of the my next posts is going to be on that exact topic! This compassionate approach is both tender (grace and warmth) and fierce (setting boundaries, pushing toward growth).
I have more respect for other people's choices and I am often criticising myself for choosing wrong.
When you talked about criticising yourself while writing your blog that you should be doing something else, I could relate. There's a lot to manage everyday, so I could probably do to free up the time I spend criticising myself in order to get more done and maybe even enjoy whatever I happen to be doing. I mean, why not? Would it be too totally out of control to just do things and enjoy them all day?
I hadn’t thought about it but there’s an attention to detail I’m quick to offer others that I don’t always extend to myself. I’ll take the time to make the kids lunch just the way they like it but then haphazardly throw leftovers on my plate. I make sure there are snacks and full water bottles in the diaper bag for an outing but leave without the same for myself.
Aly, this was a lovely read. I know it was hard to pull it together and post, but you did it! Thanks for not giving your post an Irish Goodbye. :)
I loved the image of you yanking the duvet off Mr. Mindt. This reminds me of when I was nursing my newborns and had to strip off their jammies or put a cool washcloth on their faces to keep them awake to nurse. 😂
You yanked off the covers of this essay to care for yourself and your readers all at once!
I can definitely relate to it being easier to care for others than for myself. (And thus I am so thankful for those in my life who do show care towards me!) And I am definitely growing in speaking to myself a lot more kindly...
I liked the way you added a twist to your essay by offering that sometimes it’s okay to use our natural bent of caring for others to remind us of how to care for ourselves.
Thank you, Lisa! Haha, yes, I wanted to give the post Irish Goodbye--but I'm not a quitter!
Oh, I remember those days of having to strip sleepy babes so they would eat! I kinda wish we still had that problem--now they're knocking down my door at 5:30am.
Yes, I'm so thankful for the people who care for me and show up even when I feel like I don't deserve it.
Thank you--I really wanted the post to build on our natural inclinations instead of focusing on how we don't treat ourselves well. Since we have and use these skills already, especially as moms, how can we replicate that same care for ourselves?
Are there any small ways you show up for others that you may be able to grow inward? So I've found a lot of value personally in the enneagram, though I know it's not for everyone. I'm a 4, which means I go to 2 when under stress, which means that when I'm not doing well, I get WAY too helpful. So maybe turning some of that helpful energy at myself?
I’m also curious if you prickle at the suggestion to treat yourself like you would a friend? Yes, I definitely prickle at this.
Kandi, that’s so insightful that you know you tend to shift into overly helpful in stress. I LOVE the idea of channeling some of that energy back toward yourself!
I love the Enneagram, too. I am an Enneagram 1 if you couldn’t tell--ha the obsession with doing the right thing. But I go to 7 in health so I’m I can be super fun and spontaneous when I’m not overthinking myself to death.
I can't treat myself like a friend either; perhaps it makes more sense to see ourselves as our own parents because that is basically the relationship we replace with ourselves when we grow older. I need to discipline myself and encourage myself in a healthy way for a good life, but that isn't a responsibility I would give a friend. Why do you prickle at being told to treat yourself like a friend?
Love the parenting ourselves image too! I think that's a great way to look at it.
I think prickling at being told to treat myself like a friend is because for years I was told the opposite. That I was to think of myself last (or hopefully never at all). Obviously, that's a super toxic thing to learn as a kid, but I am working at unlearning, reparenting myself, and treating myself the way I try to treat others. Cheers to the healing journey!
Yes, Helen! The image of parenting ourselves can be so helpful--one of the my next posts is going to be on that exact topic! This compassionate approach is both tender (grace and warmth) and fierce (setting boundaries, pushing toward growth).
I have more respect for other people's choices and I am often criticising myself for choosing wrong.
When you talked about criticising yourself while writing your blog that you should be doing something else, I could relate. There's a lot to manage everyday, so I could probably do to free up the time I spend criticising myself in order to get more done and maybe even enjoy whatever I happen to be doing. I mean, why not? Would it be too totally out of control to just do things and enjoy them all day?
Yes to all of this! Let’s go totally crazy and just enjoy our lives! 🤪 (if only I could flip a switch).
I hadn’t thought about it but there’s an attention to detail I’m quick to offer others that I don’t always extend to myself. I’ll take the time to make the kids lunch just the way they like it but then haphazardly throw leftovers on my plate. I make sure there are snacks and full water bottles in the diaper bag for an outing but leave without the same for myself.
How insightful, Krista! (and I can totally relate) How can you show yourself some of that same attention to detail?
Aly, this was a lovely read. I know it was hard to pull it together and post, but you did it! Thanks for not giving your post an Irish Goodbye. :)
I loved the image of you yanking the duvet off Mr. Mindt. This reminds me of when I was nursing my newborns and had to strip off their jammies or put a cool washcloth on their faces to keep them awake to nurse. 😂
You yanked off the covers of this essay to care for yourself and your readers all at once!
I can definitely relate to it being easier to care for others than for myself. (And thus I am so thankful for those in my life who do show care towards me!) And I am definitely growing in speaking to myself a lot more kindly...
I liked the way you added a twist to your essay by offering that sometimes it’s okay to use our natural bent of caring for others to remind us of how to care for ourselves.
Thank you, Lisa! Haha, yes, I wanted to give the post Irish Goodbye--but I'm not a quitter!
Oh, I remember those days of having to strip sleepy babes so they would eat! I kinda wish we still had that problem--now they're knocking down my door at 5:30am.
Yes, I'm so thankful for the people who care for me and show up even when I feel like I don't deserve it.
Thank you--I really wanted the post to build on our natural inclinations instead of focusing on how we don't treat ourselves well. Since we have and use these skills already, especially as moms, how can we replicate that same care for ourselves?
👑 Yes, thank you!