8 Comments

Aly, your story is so gripping with texture and honesty. It takes a great deal of awareness of your whole self to take us there and experience it with you. I even loved the cliffhanger (which normally would make me batty)!

The google form is such a brilliant way to reach out to people in this context. Such a thoughtful way to support the OCD community. I appreciate all that you put in and am inspired!

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Thank you so much, Leslie! I had a lot of fun transporting myself back into this memory--and looking though all of my high school mementos!

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Aly, this was a gorgeously written piece. I love all the sensory details that bring us into the scene with you: I am there with you on the rug, defeated; I'm in the air-conditioned testing room with the smell of #2 pencils, bare legs sticking to the chair; my heart races as you "perfectly" (as practiced) pace through the exam questions.

These were my favorite lines:

- "Made a parabola or approached infinity with my pencil marks."

- "quell the growing doubts that my answer only appeared in the options as a decoy, a common mistake."

- "Those guitar playing Christian surfer boys vanished, poof."

- "I followed the formula"

And I totally can't wait to find out what happens in Part 2!

P.S. Also loved your pieces in the OCD Art Gallery -- thank you for sharing!

P.P.S. Re: question #2. Hmm... I think I was surprised to learn that OCD doesn't necessarily mean you are meticulous about cleaning or particular about your environment being a certain way, or about germs... I definitely had that stereotype in my mind. (Sorry obviously I don't mean you are messy or a slob; I just mean that you've expanded my understanding of OCD. I'm also very intrigued by your previous mentions of religious scrupulosity and I'm interested in the connection to OCD.)

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Lisa ☺️☺️☺️ thank you so much for your encouragement and taking the time to note your favorites sections 💛 I was really hoping to draw you in to my experience.

Yes! There are so many stereotypes of OCD! And while some people do struggle with organizing/cleaning/contamination themes, the focus on only those themes keeps others from finding treatment and relief! I would love to give more information about OCD and scrupulosity in future posts. Religion adds another layer of complexity and confusion when sorting out what’s OCD.

P.S. for the record I am messy, only organized in some areas, and a 10-second-rule-let-kids-eat-dirt kinda gal.

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Loved your pieces in the OCD Art Gallery!

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Thank you, Kandi! It took longer to make the video of the poems than to write the poems 🤣

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What strategies have you found helpful for getting through the many worse before better moments of OCD treatment?

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Good question, Kelly! I will answer in more detail in next week’s post, but I have definitely experienced the worse before better moments (and the subsequent shame spiral because now that I know about OCD, I feel I should be better at riding out the anxiety🤪). What has helped the most is finding support in the OCD community and learning about and practicing self-compassion. Hugs if you’re in a rough part of your journey. 💛 I’m happy to help connect you to resources if you’d like.

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