“Wisdom is not gained by knowing what is right. Wisdom is gained by practicing what is right, and noticing what happens when that practice succeeds and when it fails. Wise people do not have to be certain what they believe before they act. They are free to act, trusting that the practice itself will teach them what they need to know.” Barbara Brown Taylor, An Altar In The World
I’m coming in just under the wire on the last day of January to name a word/idea that keeps resurfacing when I think about my hopes for the year. A word I’m scared to name because it requires surrender and is predicated on uncertainty.
Trust
Anxiety and OCD often feel like the opposite of trust, and I suppose they are. My anxious thoughts prod me to compulsively solve and do and fix and trouble shoot. Trust feels irresponsible, passive, lazy.
I have a compulsive need to know that I did everything in my power to achieve my desired results. That is exhausting, y’all. And, it turns out, doesn’t necessarily bring me any closer to the person I want to be.
Over the last couple of years, I’ve been experimenting with trust, with choosing not to solve, to leave loose ends, to let go, to sit with the discomfort of the incomplete. To let myself tolerate knowing I didn’t do everything I could and practice kindness to myself anyway.
In the next year, I hope to continue to grow my trust muscle because I know now that trust is not the lazy or passive way out; trust takes the tenacious and tedious of work of surrender. Trust requires me to acknowledge that the certainty I crave and strive for incessantly is just an illusion.
I’m learning to be okay with ambiguity as I grow in trust.
Here is what I hope trust looks like for me this year. Feel free to adapt/adopt some of these statements for yourself.
Affirmations to build trust:
I trust myself.
I trust my ability to handle life.
I trust good and truth and beauty to spring up from loss.
I trust in my own capacity for good.
I trust that I can ask for help.
I trust in my ability to reset.
I trust that I will grow.
I trust the love of my people.
I trust that when I let go now, of expectations, rigid rules, hurts and should-have-beens, even physical items, that I will be able to make do with what I have in the future.
I trust that I don’t need to hold on with clenched fists.
I trust myself to remember.
I trust myself to change course when needed.
I trust that though motivation and energy and excitement may ebb, that it will also one day flow.
I trust in the practice of love, in the power of repetition, in the freedom of holding things lightly.
I trust that nothing is wasted.
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Do you have a word or idea of the year? What does trust mean to you? Which of these trust affirmations would feel hardest for you to practice? I’d love to know in the comments!
What powerful reclamation of the word trust!
I actually got the word trust tattooed on my arm 7 years ago! It’s meaning has in some ways changed over the years, but the reminder feels relevant as ever. The one I’ve worked on recently is trusting myself to remember, and self-trust in general is always a work in progress.